Forgiveness

Fireproof Your Marriage

Based on “The Love Dare” by Stephen & Alex Kendrick

Forgiveness

Objective: To encourage each participant to forgive past hurts and to request forgiveness for any wrong they’ve done to their spouse.

Colossians 3:12-15

This passage gives wisdom for healthy relationships.  List some ways in which Caleb illustrated this passage.  How did he show compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and a desire for peace

Ephesians 4:15

How does Caleb “confess” to Catherine and speak the truth about his past treatment of her?  If he had been less open and honest, how do you think it would have changed the impact of his apology?

Proverbs 15:1

In earlier scenes from Fireproof, Caleb complained about Catherine and how she treated him.  During his apology, he doesn’t bring up any of Catherine’s faults, nor does he blame her.  Why and how is this significant?  In what ways might her reaction have been different if he had?

Romans 5:10, Luke 23:33-34 and 1 John 1:8-9

According to these verses, we were all sinners and even “enemies” with God before he forgave us.  In this passage from Luke, Jesus forgives while he is being crucified!  As you think about your past – your thoughts and your actions – how greatly has God forgiven you?

How readily do you forgive others?  Do you set any conditions for forgiveness?

Matthew 5:23-24, Matthew 6:12-15 and Mark 11:25-26

All of these passages are Jesus’ teaching on the concept of forgiveness.  As you read through them, do they portray forgiveness as just a feeling or as something that requires a deliberate decision?  Is there anything in the three passages that indicates forgiveness might also require action?

Think of a time when you forgave someone – what did you do?  How did your feelings and your actions change?  Take some time to discuss what forgiveness looks like on a day-to-day basis?

As you read these verses, do you see any consequences for unforgiveness?  How does unforgiveness affect your relationship with God?

Philippians 1:6

Consider this verse and how it applies to both you and your spouse.  Is it up to you to cause your spouse to change, or is God able and willing to transform your mate?  How can this promise change how you treat your husband/wife?

FIREPROOFING FOR MEN & WOMEN

Matthew 18:21-35

When someone we dearly love sins against us, it can cause deep hurt.  In that type of situation, forgiveness might be an on-going process.  Even when we forgive the feelings of hurt and anger can resurface, especially if their sinful behavior occurs multiple times, or if we encounter a reminder of old wounds.  (Remember the story of Elisa and Joe, and Elisa driving past a place where Joe had an affair?)  How does Jesus’ answer of “seventy-seven times” apply?  Is there something in your marriage that might make forgiveness take some time or be an on-going process?

Re-read Philippians 1:6

Is there any way in which you are trying to force your spouse to change, either by your actions or your words?  Would this behavior feel critical or loving to your mate?  For at least this week, commit to praying for your spouse and trusting in God and His ability to transform your spouse.  Particularly pray about any flaw in your spouse that you might have been trying to control or change on your own.

Read through the list below. In your view, which of them describe what forgiveness is or what forgiveness does?  Which ones are sometimes true of forgiveness?  Which are not true of forgiveness?  Fill in the table below by writing each list item in the appropriate column.  One is shown as an example.

-   Important for reducing my own stress and anger

-  Requires that I fully trust the other person

-   Deserved

-  Minimizes the hurt I’ve suffered

-   Just a feeling

-  A deliberate decision

-   Require an apology from the person I’m forgiving

-  Requires that the other person forgive me as well

-   The same as forgetting

-  An on-going process

-   A step in the process of healing

-  Done in obedience to God

-   Means that I agree with the other person’s behavior

FORGIVENESS                                            FORGIVENESS                                                     FORGIVENESS

IS/DOES                                                 SOMETIMES IS/DOES                                         IS NOT/DOES NOT

CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK

Challenge 1: Pray and ask God to reveal anything you have done to hurt or offend your spouse.  First, ask for God’s forgiveness.  Then, commit to apologizing to your mate.  Remember Caleb’s example in the video clip and apologize without blaming your spouse or excusing what happened.

Challenge 2: Pray and ask God to reveal anything you need to forgive.  God can strengthen us and provide us with wisdom and encouragement – pray for God to support you as you forgive any deep-seated hurts.  Prayerfully consider when and how you should communicate your forgiveness to your spouse.

FIREPROOFING FOR COUPLES

Open your time together with prayer, asking God to give you wisdom as well as a receptive heart and mind.

Share your answers to question 3 from Fireproofing for Men/Women.  Explain your answers.  What aspect of forgiveness do you feel is the easiest?  Which is the most difficult?

Take this time to offer apologies and forgiveness, as suggested by the Fireproofing Challenge section.

Ask your spouse this question, “Is there any way in which I can love you better?”  Do this with an open heart, giving your spouse permission to share their hurts or suggest ways in which you can improve your relationship.